Dogs, Cats, and Raccoons of War II
Well, I’m back. Personally, Substack is a platform I don’t like getting close to but my hope is that this Substack is going to be for objective writing and that I’ll stop myself before I start yelling. Anyway, I talked to more raccoons from war torn Ukraine in order to make myself feel like I was being a productive, normal writer.
Maybe you’ve seen Molly before. As you could probably guess, Molly is in fact a raccoon, one that I’ve been following for a while. I think what caught my eye initially was the fact that she was a raccoon that was living in someone’s house. Molly lives in Dnipro, a city at the heart of Ukraine’s war effort. As the northern front ramped up and then fizzled out around the city of Kiev in March as supply and morale collapsed like the world’s worst spring break, Dnipro became the epicenter of Ukrainian logistics. It’s roughly equidistant from both active fronts as of writing this, and is situated upon its titular Dnieper river. While Dnipro is not under any immediate threat of attack by ground forces, it has endured renewed missile strikes in the past few months.
Dnipro was the crucible that formed the career of then Metalurgic Engineer Leonid Brezhnev, future General Secretary of the Soviet Union from 1964-82. Dnipro is where Brezhnev built his network of support as a regional party secretary after Stalin’s Great Purge. You may ask why I’m summarizing a Wikipedia article I read looking for interesting facts about Dnipro, aside from the fact that it’s obviously exhilarating to read Metallurgy word play.
Russia’s invasion has been a spiritual return of Brezhnev in some ways. Soviet nostalgia is a powerful force in Russia, a reminder of better times past. Before the vultures of capital descended upon the corpse of the Soviet Union in the 1990s and left ascendent oligarchs in their wake. Brezhnev is remembered fondly in Russia [1], but it's the memories that started this war. Maybe the hope was that somewhere along the banks of the Dnieper, Russia could dig up political stability and bury the doubt over its standing in the world. That’s not what happened though. If they had reached Dnipro, they would have found a raccoon
.
I decided to try to contact this raccoon over the internet, which, unlike in real life, proved to be insightful and disease free. Here’s the conversation I struck up with Molly’s owner. I didn’t ask the owners name so I referred to the account as ‘Molly’.
Me: I understand that you are in Dnipro, how do you feel about the latest missile strikes?
Molly: 😅 interesting question ....
Molly: Very tired... tired of the unknown, of the impossibility of planning the future.
They are probably already used to rockets. It's scary, of course, but there is no more hysteria like at the beginning of the war.
Me: How did the war affect Molly's care?
Molly: Since I am currently unemployed, I can devote more time to her.
At the beginning of the war, it was difficult to get her fodder, but now there is no such problem
Me: Do you have family members or loved ones on the front lines? you don't need to tell me any details that you think could jeopardize job security
Molly: Close relatives
Me: There are many Russians on Instagram who also have raccoons. Instagram is currently
restricted in Russia, but have you been in touch with other raccoon owners in Russia?
Molly: They communicated with (specific raccoon’s) "parents" earlier
Me: Oh I know (specific raccoon). Are they ok?
Molly: If possible, this is an unanswered question. This is their personal
Me: Of course. I wouldn't want to put them in danger.
Me: How has your morale been in the past 10 months? I know that in America we were constantly surprised by the resilience of the Ukrainian people
Molly: Well, sustainability is a strong statement... many simply have no other choice ♀️ 🤷
We call it "swing" 😅 because now you think "nothing, somehow it will be, everything will be fine", and after 5 minutes - "we will all die" 😅 I exaggerate a little, but it is so..
Everyone is tired of this situation, of not knowing what will happen tomorrow, of sirens when you don't know if that rocket will reach and where... 🤷♀️
Children are a separate topic... because distance learning tires the little ones... they can't communicate with each other like before... my heart aches for them 🤷♀️
Me: Did your political views change with the war, if at all? Was there a specific event that you remember that changed your mind?
Molly: I don't quite understand what exactly you mean.
Me: Sorry about that, re-reading it I can see how confusing it will be. I'm just asking if you feel that your outlook, principles, or personal philosophy has changed because of the war.
Molly: It hasn't changed, apparently... I always followed the principle of doing good, thinking positively and wishing everyone only good. "From above" it is more visible who has earned what in this life. Apparently, it is necessary for something 🤷♀️
I try to treat all this philosophically.
Me: Sorry for the delay in communication, I was busy with work. Do you have any final thoughts or observations about the war and caring for Molly?
Molly: Sometimes it is difficult to find the usual food for her (for example, quail eggs are not always available in stores, or her favorite yogurt).
She is calm about explosions, she has nerves of steel 😅😅😅
In general, she is probably even better now, because we are with her almost all the time, she is happier
Me: Thank you so much for your time, sorry to get back to you so late but I was grateful to talk to you about Molly
Molly: And thank you for your interest in our life 🥰☺️
If there was a thesis I have for this project, it would probably be that raccoons are nothing if not resilient. It seems like raccoons do well in war zones, somehow adapting to the sounds of missiles and artillery after a few generations out of the North American forests and/or the location of garbage cans. Maybe it’s other animals that are just being dramatic. I don’t think any land animals have real reasons to fear fireworks, but every year a bunch of dogs and possums find an excuse to ruin the Fourth of July by wandering on to the road and making it everyone else’s problem.
War isn’t as hard when you live with a raccoon in your house. You could attribute it to the emotional support they provide, being essentially tiny bears that live in your house and aren't too needy. Maybe it’s the fact that raccoons will cause small problems around your house with their unsettlingly human hands that you can focus on instead of the war. Maybe having a raccoon wandering around your house is an expected symptom of war but at least you let the raccoon in there on your own terms.
In all seriousness, it seems like Ukraine is returning to some state of normalcy. War is boring, which is something that’s often forgotten. Most of your time is spent just waiting, if you’re either a soldier or a civilian. Much like high school, you remember the exciting parts of war, be they heroic or tragic. But also like high school, it’s an awful slog that is occasionally broken up by brief moments that might really fuck you up now or in 20 years.
I was going to end it at that, lamenting high school after talking about raccoons like the paragon of charisma that I am. But there was a massive piece of news I wanted to write about. On November 13th, a video was released from the city of Kherson as it was being evacuated by Russian forces ahead of the advancing Ukrainians. This video showed that in the Kherson Zoo, a small group of soldiers decided to go out of their way to “evacuate” the zoo’s raccoon exhibit. I hope that my writing has at least proved why there is a zoo with a raccoon exhibit. It seems the man who coordinated this was Oleg Zubkov, a zoo owner in Crimea, who was serving in the Russian Army. Zubkov was also shown loading horses and wolves into loading trailers for transport back to Crimea.
I have to say that this whole thing reads like a joke I would make. There was this Russian guy in the army that used his connections to loot the local raccoon supply. It raises so many small questions. What were the soldiers helping him thinking? Were they on their way to ‘evacuate’ an Apple store or mall before they got reassigned to raccoon duty? Was raccoon duty the most coveted job in the evacuation for an unknown reason? Is that reason just a cultural appreciation of raccoons?
The more I read the more questions I had. Zubkov said to one reporter “We have 75 raccoons”[2] in reference to his zoo. This number will rise to 82 raccoons after Zubkov’s spoils of war make it back to Crimea. I don't think I’ve ever been to a zoo that has 75 of something, and definitely not 82 of something. If I went to a zoo with 75 monkeys, I would be spending most of my time thinking about the kind of mafia insurance scam that's somehow being pulled by having all of these monkeys. But I guess 75 isn't enough, you need to risk your life on the front lines just so you can get 82 raccoons.
The whole affair just sounds like it's modeling itself after the British Museum, going into different countries and taking their culture to display for yourself. It’s not one to one however. Imagine if the British Museum had a wing that was just an empty aircraft hangar you went to so you could see a massive pile of sticks that Nigerian children had pretended were swords before a colonial officer grabbed them.
Will the raccoons be returned? Apparently they will be when Kherson is recaptured according to Zubkov, although it's more of an if than a when. Until then, the raccoons will remain in Crimea. Ukraine will probably not recapture Crimea, although I’m always prepared to be wrong. Should they capture the peninsula, it’s likely that they’ll remember the raccoons taken from them. The Ukrainian Minister of Defense tweeted a statement that concluded with “Steal a raccoon and Die”[3]. If events continue to unfold in Ukraine’s favor, “Steal a raccoon and Die” may be a modern “Carthago delenda est”.
[1]
[2]
https://nypost.com/2022/11/15/video-shows-russians-stealing-zoo-animals-amid-kherson-retreat/
[3]
https://twitter.com/DefenceU/status/1591837471125696513?s=20&t=h-A1owV7s-m5IuXULhWh_Q